Friday, August 19, 2011

Help! The Blurb

I've already begged for help from my ever-patient beta readers and on Kindleboards, so now I'm asking YOU! Trying to decide on a blurb for Sultana's Legacy; the text will appear on the back. Drowning in the different versions, but I've narrowed down a few. Thoughts?

I'm thicker-skinned than most, so don't worry about offending me with your honest opinions. I just want to get the right feel for this book with the cover AND blurb.

Version 1
How far will one woman go in a quest for vengeance? Can love survive the test of divided loyalties?

In thirteenth-century Moorish Spain, the kingdom of Granada faces a bleak future. Fatima and Faraj have enjoyed peace and prosperity, until treachery brings a swift end to their happiness. A madman has seized the throne. He has killed almost everyone Fatima once held dear.

Fatima must preserve the enduring legacy of the Sultans of Granada, at all costs. Yet, her greatest triumph leaves her unprepared for the most shocking betrayal of all.

Version 2
How far will one woman go to avenge terrible losses? Can love survive the test of divided loyalties?

In thirteenth-century Moorish Spain, the kingdom of Granada faces a bleak future. A tyrant has seized the throne. His reign brings a violent end to years of peace and prosperity.

Now, Fatima risks everything to preserve the legacy of her forefathers, including the love and trust of her husband, Faraj.

Version 3
In thirteenth-century Moorish Spain, divided loyalties test the fragile bonds between families, and a husband and wife.

Amidst treachery and intrigue, Fatima must confront a once beloved brother. A power-hungry madman, he has seized the throne and murdered almost everyone she has ever loved.

To preserve the enduring legacy of her forefathers, she must also risk the years of trust she has shared with a devoted husband. The bitter consequences and a final, shocking betrayal threaten to undo her accomplishments.

Thanks for your thoughts!

P.S. Yes, you can even say "None of them work for me! Go back to the drawing board" PROVIDED you suggest one line where I can start. Remember, help is the operative word here.


Christine Murray said...

I like version 1, it left me intrigued. I think that's the best one, personally speaking.

Lisa Yarde said...

Thanks Christine, I'm worried it's too vague, which is why I worked on others. I want to hint at some mystery, intrigue, but not give away the whole story line. Also, trying to keep in mind that any new readers who come to this may not have read Sultana and won't know why Fatima is so devoted to teh family.

Ann Simon said...

I like a combo of 2 & 3. Then again, I'm HORRIBLE at blurbs.

Jen McPeek said...

I like version 1, but I also like version 3. I do have one question in v.3 though. Is her brother the power-hungry madman, because I wasn't too clear on that (remember, I'm not good with history). Maybe clear that up with 'her once beloved brother. Now a ....madman,....' Just a thought.
It just depends on where the bulk of the story comes from. If it's Sultana's fight to save the legacy from her brother, I'd go for 3. If it's saving the legacy while risking her relationship with Faraj, go for 1.
Hope I helped!

Lisa Yarde said...

Thanks, Ann and Jennifer. I worry that three tells too much and one doesn't tell enough. Oh, to find the happy medium.

Michelle Gregory said...

just to make things complicated, i liked 2 best because i thought it was more direct, less cluttered, and still made me want to find out what happens.

Lisa Yarde said...

Actually Michelle, it doesn't complicate things at all. I think I can pull out elements of two and three that will help. Thanks!

Sheila Lamb said...

I like "quest for vengeance" in #1 ...if that can be thrown in there too!

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